Birth trauma

The first rebirthers, that is Leonard Orr and his followers, found that circular breathing seemed to evoke birth memories. After some time, when these memories and traits were analysed it was observed that people with similar birth experiences often developed similar corresponding patterns in life. For example, held back babies might have a common tendency, as adults, to be late. Or breech births might grow to be impulsive, jumping in feet first so to speak, aware that their rash actions might cause injury to others (that they might be trampling on other’s feelings), but going ahead just the same. This observed pattern came to be known as the ‘birth script’.

It goes that each individual, being totally unique, has their individual birth, with the particular circumstances and events that attend it. Those circumstances and events, which include the length of labour, the type of birth (breech, c section, or whatever) and the immediate aftermath, all combine to create a kind of blueprint which will define particular characteristics, traits and behaviours in the individual throughout their life. And while the uniqueness of each individual is sacrosanct, each person will share with others who had similar birth types some of those characteristics and traits. Kind of, in the way that members of the same family will have similar characteristics, even physical features, while being uniquely individual in their own right. Sometimes the person may display the opposite of these traits, as if unconsciously, they decide to ‘hide’ their birth script. If I hide this no one will know I am such and such.

Birth types include premature/ late births, held back babies, Caesarean sections, transverse types, breech, induced, forceps delivery, twins, cord around the neck, and drugged (i.e. when the mother is anesthetised).

My own take on this is slightly different. Yes, we have a birth script but we decide on this before we enter the womb. The script serves us, it’s a kind of map that tells us what we need to do or work on in this lifetime, it doesn’t ‘determine’ us. The problem with any system like this is that it can reduce to type. Remember you are not a type. And you created all this stuff anyway.

For nine months you are lord of your own universe. No one else exists in this world, you are completely serene, completely at one. There are no rules here, no morals, no ideas, no right or wrong. The world of judgment lies on the other side of the womb and you are blissfully unaware of it. And then suddenly you are ripped out of this cocoon and find yourself in a place of cold and noise, nauseous smells, and discomfort. The newborn experiences touch as excruciating pain. Its skin so long bathed in amniotic fluid now suddenly becomes dry. Every poke and prod can feel like torture. Towelling can be particularly harsh. Covered as it is with millions of nerve ends linking to the brain, the skin is still our most sensitive area.

Every single womb experience ends in separation, the severing of the umbilical cord, cutting us off from our mother and the love and total safety of the womb world. This is the first death. It can lead to the thought that pleasure must be followed by pain; that relationships cannot last, and trust is always conditional.

For the next three score and ten the child awaits that death again, half in terror, half in hope that its second enactment will atone the first. Now, suddenly the child has to breathe by itself; independence, emancipation is forced on it. Some believe this is the origin of the Eden myth.

But its more complex still. For the child is the one who decides to leave paradise. Throughout gestation the womb expands to accommodate the fetus. But it can only expand so much and there comes a time when the child outgrows it. Now the home which nurtured and cared for it for so long seems like it’s attacking it. Hence begins the first struggle. This is the first goal you set for yourself. This is the first task you undertook. And since you’re reading these words that means you succeeded. The thought was, ‘I must get out of here’. And so the child begins his first journey down the vaginal passage to freedom. Later in life he may reenact this program, perhaps in relationships, ‘I must get out of here’.

No exit terror.

However, upon arrival she finds that the new world is not such a very friendly place. There’s the harsh lights, noise, cold we talked about above. What characterizes this new world for the child is hardness, in contrast to the soft luxury she just left. Here’s another script, ‘I will always be disappointed’, ‘no matter how hard I struggle I can never succeed in finding happiness’, ‘nothing ever lives up to its promise’.

Disappointment is the mark of so many lives.

Some say this doesn’t apply to c sections. But this is not quite true. C sections fall into two categories, scheduled sections and emergency sections. In the former the child is denied all choice in their birth, and taken out before they’re ready. Because there was no struggle at birth, the person may either find it difficult to get things started, or they may be of the disposition where they treat all struggle as unnecessary. It has been noted that a certain tranquility is a characteristic of this type. But people forget that these beings were attacked in paradise. Somebody hacked their way in and forcibly removed them. This was the first rape, act of piracy, personal violation. As a section myself I recall having nightmares of someone slicing into me with what seemed like a meat carver. These lasted until I was about three.

In the latter case, that of an emergency section, there are complications so the doctor decides to perform a section. This means the child been struggling for ages to no avail. Hence birth can feel like a relief at being rescued, as well as a confirmation of failure. The script then can be ‘no matter how much I struggle I’ll never succeed. I may as well give up’. This can lead to feelings of wanting to be helped, wanting others to do things for you, and at the same time resentful of them when they do. Such people can sometimes find difficulty finding love because they will always see it as an intrusion. I can identify with this second kind of c section a lot.

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